Java-House Jack

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ENTRY - 8

TITLE: Java-House Jack

AUTHOUR: J. William Bell

DATE POSTED: 2025-06-12

Let me tell you about a friend of mine named Jack. Obviously, I am not using his real name, and I am not going to tell you the real name of his workplace (which will be referred to as "The Java-House" ... and I desperately hope that is not the name of a real place, because that would be a serendipitous and ironic coincidence).

I must use a little poetic licence and obfuscation because I know that Jack enjoys his privacy/dignity, and that his employers, customers, co-workers, and acquaintances are less likely to litigate if I grant them a certain amount of anonymity. With that out of the way, let us now learn a little bit more about Jack.

Jack works at The Java-House; a restaurant that seems to straddle the line between being a cheap diner, shamelessly franchised fast-food depository, and a popular coffee house. If Jack could quit the place, he would; but he's not rich enough yet to do that, and he might never be rich enough to do that. I sometimes worry that if Jack ever does win the lottery; he might have to flip a coin to decide whether or not he will finance for himself a comfortable retirement, or seek legally-tolerated-forms of revenge on certain people.

Because Jack is one of my drinking buddies, I'm going to be quoting him with a lot of paraphrasing. He has worked in the foodservice & hospitality industry for longer than a decade; and he has the following slightly-edited opinions to share:

"If somebody treats you like a slave or an inferior because you wear a uniform with a name-tag on it; they don't deserve your best behaviour.

"Middle-aged Asian women are lousy tippers. It doesn't matter what part of Asia they come from. Most of them are really lousy tippers."

"Sometimes, rude people really do deserve to be indirectly insulted. In French, or German, or Klingon, or English..."

"It takes a special kind of moron to believe that they can walk into any kind of restaurant and order food while still chewing gum. If I had to choose who was going to live or die; the idiot gum-chewers would not make the merciful cut."

"You can tell which men are subs, literally or figuratively, within a sub/dom dynamic-type of marriage/relationship. They're only pathetically aggressive when they think somebody else is disrespecting their woman, and this is their golden oppourtunity to bare their teeth, bark, and wag their ^usually^ figurative tail."

"Any ambitious idiot can become a supervisor or a junior manager. They have to unlearn being an idiot if they want to get a promotion or die of old age."

"Liberal/Democrat White women waste more of your time than anybody else; with the possible exception of African women who like to think that they are Queens/Empresses."

"If you really want to make money in Hospitality, you have to own the business, and care for it like a neurotic terrier or a thankless child. Because; eventually, it will bite you, and break your heart."

"No one tribe or nation has a monopoly on arrogant a$$wholez who try to dry-cry or b1t&h extra service and product out of you for free."

"No matter how charming the senior citizen is, get used to the idea that serving them is going to be like pouring molasses. It takes time."

"If you're drunk, high on something, and rich; just stay home, and fail to order food from a restaurant with a phone. Doing it in person just proves that you're pathetic and stupid."

"When somebody decides to complain about you to the manager; and if the manager takes their side; there is a 50% chance that manager doesn't deserve your loyalty and trust."

"No matter how cute and/or polite the child or child-like handicapped person is, insist that they show you their money and count it before you promise them anything."

"Knowing a little Spanish is always useful."

"If somebody is treating you like garbage because you're a white-skinned man; they're obviously too lazy or stupid to dislike you because of your height, weight, haircut, body piercings, religion, tattoos, body odour, or that you're an obvious geek/nerd."

"Some people are going to complain no matter what you say or do. Last time I checked; there is still plenty of room in Hell and Heck for unforgettable turds."

"If you smell like marijuana, stale sweat, and urine, nobody is going to treat you with respect."

"Polite and patient customers who know that the frak they want are sometimes rare; treat them with respect and cherish them."

I assure you, this is only the tip of the Java-House Jack iceberg. There will be a sequel, and probably more. Jack still has a lot to say; and some of his subjects deserve an entire entry of their own.

Excelsior!